Forbes has announced results of this year's World Strong Person Olympics, with China's Xi Jinping taking the gold medal over Vladimir Putin, silver winner.
Jinping has only 270 nuclear warheads, but his border wall is longest, his population is greatest - despite decades of strict control - and he holds more U.S. debt than any other nation. On the last day of competition, he increased his point total by securing a lifetime appointment to power.
Putin became runner-up by virtue of his 7,010 nuclear warheads, his kingdom's world-largest footprint, and his successful hacking into other peoples' affairs. He also won the swimsuit competition. His election to a fourth term added to his point total, but still fell short of his Communist fellow-competitor.
Winning the bronze was Donald Trump, runaway winner of the attention competition. More people around the world are talking about him than any of the others, pro or con. He has 6,550 nuclear warheads at his fingertips, second only to Putin. Olympic commentators point out Trump's failure to fire Bob Mueller as a missed opportunity to score valuable points.
A surprise fourth place went to Germany's Angela Merkel, whose nation dominates the EU - creating envy among surviving Nazi collaborators - and collected the most Middle Eastern refugees. Without warheads to threaten Poland, she was at a disadvantage.
In fifth place was businessman Jeff Bezos, America's wealthiest person. His Amazon, like the river, swallows up territory with no end in sight. His lack of access to warheads also cost him a shot at a medal.
fake news
Jimmy
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