Trusting Your GPS?
Not all unusual people live in Florida. A woman in Duquesne, Pa. drove her vehicle along train tracks. She was sober...just said to police her GPS navigation app told her to turn there.
Following up on earlier Florida reports, a man fleeing cops dove into a canal, then was overcome by the toxic algae bloom. Maybe our new governor ought to rethink his promise to clean up Florida waters.
Another man stole a peacock, then had to outrun - not the cops - but other peacocks in pursuit. He may have been related to the guy who crashed a stolen car in a field, being held there by a herd of cows until the law arrived.
Our officer of the year subdued a grocery store robber by throwing cans of Bush's baked beans at him.
A man who ate too many beans and everything else went to his final resting place in a U-Haul van. Elsewhere, an 81-year-old attacked his tennis partner with a banana. Everyone knows, he should have used his racket.
How about the woman on a cleaning binge at 3 a.m.? Her annoyed husband got whacked with a vacuum cleaner attachment.
Politicians wanted in on the act. A candidate for Congress said she had been abducted by aliens. A candidate for state House claimed to have graduated from Miami U. Accused of "fake news," she posed for a photo with a diploma - which turned out to be a fake.
A candidate for state attorney was arrested for running an illegal lottery. He then told a reporter his campaign was "going great."
All this to warn criminals from out of state: Don't try our patience. We have many ways to bring you to justice - cans of beans, peacocks, cows, bananas and vacuum hoses...not to mention gators and pythons for the worst among you.
Jimmy
Saturday, January 12, 2019
Friday, January 11, 2019
Quotes of the Day
Old one: "No one goes to that restaurant anymore. It's too crowded."- Yogi Berra
New one: (at the southern border, paraphrased) "We see a steel barrier, but we don't see a national emergency. It's rather tranquil..." - Jim Acosta, CNN White House correspondent ...get it? And did Jim hang around after darkness?
Bold one: "Everyone will have health care...including 300,000 undocumented immigrants. I want to stir every state and the nation to provide Medicare for all." - NYC Mayor Bill DeBlasio ...Does he not know that existing Medicare itself soon will be on life support?
Holy one: On a church billboard near us, "We sing hymns."
This one: "It's not about the money. It's not about a wall. It's about Democrats' hatred for Trump." - Rush Limbaugh
Last one: "Earth's greatest natural resource is the human brain. And it may be among the least appreciated (given the) supposed menace of overpopulation." - David von Drehle, author
Old one: "No one goes to that restaurant anymore. It's too crowded."- Yogi Berra
New one: (at the southern border, paraphrased) "We see a steel barrier, but we don't see a national emergency. It's rather tranquil..." - Jim Acosta, CNN White House correspondent ...get it? And did Jim hang around after darkness?
Bold one: "Everyone will have health care...including 300,000 undocumented immigrants. I want to stir every state and the nation to provide Medicare for all." - NYC Mayor Bill DeBlasio ...Does he not know that existing Medicare itself soon will be on life support?
Holy one: On a church billboard near us, "We sing hymns."
This one: "It's not about the money. It's not about a wall. It's about Democrats' hatred for Trump." - Rush Limbaugh
Last one: "Earth's greatest natural resource is the human brain. And it may be among the least appreciated (given the) supposed menace of overpopulation." - David von Drehle, author
Good News word of the day:
ability
2 Cor. 1:8-9
Jimmy
Thursday, January 10, 2019
All-Around Fun
Continuing Operation Birthday, the kids took us to a new county park and museum by Sippo Lake, where my cousin and I had goofed around in our youth. From there, off to Grandma's house. If she was still there, she would have advised us to, "Watch out for the other fellow."
Then we showed the kids something: my great-grandfather's farm house, built in 1850. Mrs. Donut always thought it would make a great B&B, until we learned from the homeowner, they occasionally see a ghost, "...and it looks like you!" she exclaimed, turning toward me.
Heading north out of Canton, daughter sprung the final surprise. We six were heading to Greenville, Pa., my hometown, where my older sister resides.
She didn't know we were coming, but her "kids" knew. Good thing she had her house cleaned that afternoon. Surprise!!!
The final day, my birthday: nieces, nephews and their children appeared - a grand family gathering like in former years. My Georgia niece later described the day as, "love, joy, hope, peace, laughter, tears and all-around fun."
From start to finish, from sister to the youngest great-granddaughter, 28 people made our week very special, and it was a good time for them.
Next day, daughter and son took us to the Pittsburgh airport and set us free.
We've been wondering...how is it this could be so enjoyable, emotional and locked in our fond memories? Being with loved ones, yes.
Maybe, it was a return to childhood - when parents had the responsibility, kids in the back seat, going to exciting new places.
It was awesome - the role reversal - wondering where mom & dad were taking us next.
Jimmy
Continuing Operation Birthday, the kids took us to a new county park and museum by Sippo Lake, where my cousin and I had goofed around in our youth. From there, off to Grandma's house. If she was still there, she would have advised us to, "Watch out for the other fellow."
Then we showed the kids something: my great-grandfather's farm house, built in 1850. Mrs. Donut always thought it would make a great B&B, until we learned from the homeowner, they occasionally see a ghost, "...and it looks like you!" she exclaimed, turning toward me.
Heading north out of Canton, daughter sprung the final surprise. We six were heading to Greenville, Pa., my hometown, where my older sister resides.
She didn't know we were coming, but her "kids" knew. Good thing she had her house cleaned that afternoon. Surprise!!!
The final day, my birthday: nieces, nephews and their children appeared - a grand family gathering like in former years. My Georgia niece later described the day as, "love, joy, hope, peace, laughter, tears and all-around fun."
From start to finish, from sister to the youngest great-granddaughter, 28 people made our week very special, and it was a good time for them.
Next day, daughter and son took us to the Pittsburgh airport and set us free.
We've been wondering...how is it this could be so enjoyable, emotional and locked in our fond memories? Being with loved ones, yes.
Maybe, it was a return to childhood - when parents had the responsibility, kids in the back seat, going to exciting new places.
It was awesome - the role reversal - wondering where mom & dad were taking us next.
Jimmy
Wednesday, January 9, 2019
Role Reversal Works for Us
Approaching our milestone birthday - second digit, 0 - the "kids" up North determined we could best celebrate if Mrs. Donut and I did the travelling.
What? Leave Florida in December and fly to the Arctic Circle? Worse, they bought us one-way tickets. Once captured, would they throw us into a rest home?
They paid for the trip; they made the rules. Okay, we landed at CVG (Cincinnati) on Christmas Day. Son No. 2, daughter and son-in-law hauled us to Dayton.
We expected to be in the hotel five nights. December 26, we spent time with daughter, a birthday girl herself. We also relaxed at the home of son No. 1, his wife, our favorite (and only) granddaughter, and grandson. And their dogie, which assumed our purpose in life was to entertain her.
Next day, we visited and dined with daughter's son, wife and our two great-grandkids. That evening, the commander of Operation Birthday told us to check out at 9 in the morning. No further details.
With daughter and son No. 2 in front, Mrs. Donut and I in the back seat, like children, we headed northeast. At noon, we descended the west hill into Massillon, a community we often visited in the 1940's and 50's.
They pretended to look for a fast-food place, then pulled into a nice restaurant named for Knute Rockne, who played pro football in town over 100 years ago. Our kids left the table.
The next faces we saw were my niece and husband, who live in Georgia. This was getting interesting.
After lunch, we six trampled around an old family farm. I had never seen it, but my son scouted all this out the week before.
Approaching our milestone birthday - second digit, 0 - the "kids" up North determined we could best celebrate if Mrs. Donut and I did the travelling.
What? Leave Florida in December and fly to the Arctic Circle? Worse, they bought us one-way tickets. Once captured, would they throw us into a rest home?
They paid for the trip; they made the rules. Okay, we landed at CVG (Cincinnati) on Christmas Day. Son No. 2, daughter and son-in-law hauled us to Dayton.
We expected to be in the hotel five nights. December 26, we spent time with daughter, a birthday girl herself. We also relaxed at the home of son No. 1, his wife, our favorite (and only) granddaughter, and grandson. And their dogie, which assumed our purpose in life was to entertain her.
Next day, we visited and dined with daughter's son, wife and our two great-grandkids. That evening, the commander of Operation Birthday told us to check out at 9 in the morning. No further details.
With daughter and son No. 2 in front, Mrs. Donut and I in the back seat, like children, we headed northeast. At noon, we descended the west hill into Massillon, a community we often visited in the 1940's and 50's.
They pretended to look for a fast-food place, then pulled into a nice restaurant named for Knute Rockne, who played pro football in town over 100 years ago. Our kids left the table.
The next faces we saw were my niece and husband, who live in Georgia. This was getting interesting.
After lunch, we six trampled around an old family farm. I had never seen it, but my son scouted all this out the week before.
Tomorrow: On to Sippo Lake and a surprise for Sis
Jimmy
Tuesday, January 8, 2019
Jumping the Line
Do you remember the first day on your job, going before TV cameras, demanding the CEO be fired?
And on Day 2, you expected a seat on the board of directors. And the day after that...
Fantasy Land is alive, in Washington DC.
First, convince a few thousand people to vote you into the U.S. House. Take the oath and open a bank account to receive the first deposit on your $174,000 salary.
Barring a high crime, you can't be fired. You can be brash, mouthy, uncivil, potty mouthed, assertive and audacious.
We're just describing the "fresh" women now in Congress! You may rankle old timers, but voters and political orgs will back you.
Maybe Congress needs a kick in the butt. Its approval rating is in the basement, between 8 and 18 percent - about three floors below people named Trump and Clinton.
Will the 100 or so new House members shake things up? Will they storm the castle and lock the Democratic leadership team - average age, 78 - in the tower?
While most congressmen and women wait years for prime committee assignments, progressives push for immediate access.
Remember the Tea Party? Many go there to change Washington; many end up becoming Washington.
What of it?
In business, results matter. Accountability counts. Does anyone - other than the boss's son - keep his job with a performance rating below 18 percent?
In government, especially Congress, words matter more than deeds. If the incoming class is a sign of our future, and if they eventually control the private sector, jumping the line will become the new American way.
And "communist" China - not so socialist, really - will dominate the world.
Jimmy
Do you remember the first day on your job, going before TV cameras, demanding the CEO be fired?
And on Day 2, you expected a seat on the board of directors. And the day after that...
Fantasy Land is alive, in Washington DC.
First, convince a few thousand people to vote you into the U.S. House. Take the oath and open a bank account to receive the first deposit on your $174,000 salary.
Barring a high crime, you can't be fired. You can be brash, mouthy, uncivil, potty mouthed, assertive and audacious.
We're just describing the "fresh" women now in Congress! You may rankle old timers, but voters and political orgs will back you.
Maybe Congress needs a kick in the butt. Its approval rating is in the basement, between 8 and 18 percent - about three floors below people named Trump and Clinton.
Will the 100 or so new House members shake things up? Will they storm the castle and lock the Democratic leadership team - average age, 78 - in the tower?
While most congressmen and women wait years for prime committee assignments, progressives push for immediate access.
Remember the Tea Party? Many go there to change Washington; many end up becoming Washington.
What of it?
In business, results matter. Accountability counts. Does anyone - other than the boss's son - keep his job with a performance rating below 18 percent?
In government, especially Congress, words matter more than deeds. If the incoming class is a sign of our future, and if they eventually control the private sector, jumping the line will become the new American way.
And "communist" China - not so socialist, really - will dominate the world.
Jimmy
Sunday, January 6, 2019
Chasing After God
Retail stores have goods for sale. "Come and get it," they beg.
Restaurants offer varieties. Pick your favorite and chow down.
Or buy on line. You still have to find it, fill your cart,
and supply payment and delivery information.
God's love endures forever. He has what we need most, and He says, Come!...take the free gift of the water of life.
Come? Where? We have yet to see an answer to prayer in a store, or mailbox, or a package on our doorstep.
He invites us to seek him, find him, and unite with him in the great transaction of our lives.
We know someone who found him. A psalmist, in chapter 119.
He wanted to understand and obey, to develop deeper love for God's ways. He went to the source, God's Word, where the Almighty reveals himself to hungry hearts.
Only after this ancient person pursued the Word, the Spirit satisfied his wants: joy, love, discernment, comfort, hope, strength, peace, and more desire to understand.
This is the living and active...the power to revive and restore us. It's not delivered by UPS.
When I was young, like many others, I checked in with God once a week. How many riches did I miss?
Rev. 22
Saturday, January 5, 2019
Flori-duh's Wacky Year
Did you hear the joke about a man in a Jacksonville store with a live alligator? No joke. Just another wacky day in Florida.
The Sunshine State leads the nation in, well, sunshine, pythons, election recounts and weird.
Also in 2018, a man holding a monkey was arrested for stealing a vehicle. And a city commissioner licked the face of a city manager. (!)
It was a big year for nakedness, not including nudist resorts. A woman ran bare around a park "fleeing a giant spider." A man set fire to his house while baking cookies.
Another man gardened while naked, but cops couldn't intervene, leading to a newspaper headline: Plants, but No Pants. A bare man, worried about aliens who wanted to seize his meteorite, aimed his crossbow at deputies.
Then there was the naked burglar in a restaurant, playing bongos, eating ramen noodles, spray painting, then putting everything back in place before riding away on a bike. Meanwhile, a second burglar helped himself to chicken wings and beer in the kitchen.
A man better dressed - in boxer shorts - jumped into the Nile crocodile exhibit at St. Augustine Alligator Farm. Crocs bit his foot.
Moving on. Frontier Airlines booted a woman who wanted to fly with her emotional-support squirrel. Another woman, in a bikini, rode a horse onto the dance floor on South Beach.
When a woman in a checkout line was passing gas too loudly, she responded to a complainer by pulling a knife. A man attacked his girlfriend because she wouldn't go to a Halloween party. What's so wrong about him wearing an inflatable dinosaur costume?
There's more, but we gotta go. Maybe later.
Despite all this, we question Florida's reputation as the weirdest state. California has 18 million more people; or, is California really part of us?
Jimmy
Did you hear the joke about a man in a Jacksonville store with a live alligator? No joke. Just another wacky day in Florida.
The Sunshine State leads the nation in, well, sunshine, pythons, election recounts and weird.
Also in 2018, a man holding a monkey was arrested for stealing a vehicle. And a city commissioner licked the face of a city manager. (!)
It was a big year for nakedness, not including nudist resorts. A woman ran bare around a park "fleeing a giant spider." A man set fire to his house while baking cookies.
Another man gardened while naked, but cops couldn't intervene, leading to a newspaper headline: Plants, but No Pants. A bare man, worried about aliens who wanted to seize his meteorite, aimed his crossbow at deputies.
Then there was the naked burglar in a restaurant, playing bongos, eating ramen noodles, spray painting, then putting everything back in place before riding away on a bike. Meanwhile, a second burglar helped himself to chicken wings and beer in the kitchen.
A man better dressed - in boxer shorts - jumped into the Nile crocodile exhibit at St. Augustine Alligator Farm. Crocs bit his foot.
Moving on. Frontier Airlines booted a woman who wanted to fly with her emotional-support squirrel. Another woman, in a bikini, rode a horse onto the dance floor on South Beach.
When a woman in a checkout line was passing gas too loudly, she responded to a complainer by pulling a knife. A man attacked his girlfriend because she wouldn't go to a Halloween party. What's so wrong about him wearing an inflatable dinosaur costume?
There's more, but we gotta go. Maybe later.
Despite all this, we question Florida's reputation as the weirdest state. California has 18 million more people; or, is California really part of us?
Jimmy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)