The Government Warns

     WASHINGTON, D.C. - The White House issued a dire warning, that Elon Musk's ownership of Twitter means they now control only 97% of the media. 

     "We can't overstate how dangerous this is," said Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "Yes, we still control Facebook, Google, Apple Instagram, YouTube, ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, The New York Times, TIME, USA Today, Hollywood and pretty much all the rest, but we don't own Twitter. This is dangerous to Democracy."

     The entire intelligence community at the CIA, FBI and NSA concurred with the warning, stating that "Elon's ownership of Twitter leaves America vulnerable to dangerous opinions we do not approve of." 

     "Democracy is at stake," said all the agency leaders in a shared statement in which they recited the words simultaneously in a robotic monotone. "We must do something. Democracy is at stake." 

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