Today's News

Welcome to today's newscast, our daily news report which brings you the news daily in America.

    Over the past 24 hours, there have been no murders in New York.

    In Chicago, there are no reports of thefts or beatings.  

    There were no robberies in Detroit today, or scandals.

    In St. Louis, no beatings occurred on city streets.

    San Francisco reports no rapes or other attacks on women. 

    No cheating in legal affairs or corruption occurred in Los Angeles.

    Denver did not have anyone falsely charging fellow citizens.

    In Philadelphia, there are no reports of non-citizens voting.

    There were no illegal aliens crossing borders anywhere in the U.S.

    Baltimore closed all courts and law offices today, due to lack of crime.

    In Washington, DC, no politicians spoke falsehoods to the public.

That's our daily news for today, which we report daily in America. We'll be back when tomorrow is "today" with more reports of daily news in America. Thank you for reading without believing all of today's lies. 

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